i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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