Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
