Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
