my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
