at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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