how hairy? two words: wookie tits
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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