Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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