dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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