We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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