When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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