I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
