two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
