Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
