Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
