And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
