oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
