Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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