he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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