I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
