u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
