mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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