you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
