I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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