so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize