I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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