it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
