It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
