The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize