i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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