Screwed.edu
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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