nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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