I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
