i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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