paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
