Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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