Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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