I wish I could punch you in the face.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
