Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize