so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
