I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
