Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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