today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
