I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
