if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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