Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
