then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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