Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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