Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
