and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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