ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
