Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
In America we eat man semen.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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