drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
