I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
