she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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