READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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