My friends, they love my intelligence
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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