If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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