Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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