Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
