Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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