So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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