his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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