Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
