At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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