So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
