We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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