i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
