If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
