Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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