dude i'm inner monologue high
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
