I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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