Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
