my mouth tastes like poor choices
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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