Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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