Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
