I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize