sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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