dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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