still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
it was like having sex with a tree stump
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize