So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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