I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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