Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
