i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
