Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
