he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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