it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
