I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
