Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
