remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my phone needs a breathalizer
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
