I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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