people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
