so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
