sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
