I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
