dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
