hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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