Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
