dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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