I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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